Back In Your Box You...

Over the last few days I’ve reached out to a few old colleagues, mainly just to say hello and ask how they are. It’s been met with a deathly silence apart from one person. The only person to have come back to me is an old hospital radio colleague who still presents hospital radio and has no grandiose ideas of becoming famous. Just a lovely down to earth bloke. Shame the others weren’t the same.

On guy I messaged write a nice little bit about himself, and once I showed him who I was ignored me. The others have been active on their feeds but have just totally blanked me. What I find insulting about that is the fact that these people have gone on to be “well known” yet never seem to discuss their past (probably ashamed of it) and so me, saying hello has been a bit of their past popping up that obviously has no influence on them now to help their careers. I was there at the start but now I serve no purpose I’m ignored. And people asked me why I wouldn’t attend a reunion….

Probably is when they have a taste of stardom, they change, they become notoriously big headed, self centred and more interested in friends that can influence their career than those that grafted with them at the beginning teaching them their trade. I had more respect for my teachers at school than they have of me.

Sometimes I feel like an intruder when I try to reach out. Shunned to a life forever back in my box. Don’t get me wrong, a few people in the past that I’ve spoken to have been more than happy to take time out of their lives to chat to me, find out how I am and if there’s anything they can do for me because they thought highly of me. More surprising when these people were the ones that I never called friends. The ones I called friends are now it seems to far up their own arses, pretentious little wannabes that I’m far too common to even pass the time of day with.

Thing is, I still have a bit of influence, and if I so wanted could knock a few bricks out of their fairytale castles but I wouldn’t because I’m not like that, but I can bet you now. You used me and my talent on the way up. I’ll be waiting when you’re on the way down with the carpet corners in my hand to pull it from under your feet. Time will tell.

Back In Your Box You...

Where Have All The Personalities Gone - Radio

I was having a discussion with Andy this morning as I turned my computer on and loaded up Radio Jackie for another day of listening and writing. Paul Coia standing in for someone or other was chatting away in his Scottish accent and something struck me (no, no flying dog toys or anything like that thankfully) just a thought that these days radio has no personality any more. Long gone are the days when you’d load up a CD, or get a record cued up with your backtiming sorted to the news, and your notes of what you fancied chatting about and in has crept huge conglomerates buying up each and every station to add them into the big world of automation, same playlists, same chat, same ads. What the hell has happened to all the personalities now?

Graham Gold © http://sparkleagency.com/

DJ’s rock up to do their slots, sit down in front of their 2 screens with everything already loaded, they type in what the producer tells them that they’re going to talk about and when and that’s it. The same playlists loaded over the radio groups multiple stations to play the same thing at the same time, just different person doing the segways. No more Kenny Everetts, Chris Tarrants and the like, personalities shining out from your radio with their own opinions, favourite music and quirks that lead you to tune in day after day.

I think I know what’s happened though. Back when I started (after volunteering at mainstream originally as general dogsbody) we did the hard graft. Hospital Radio although got frowned upon was usually where DJs of that day had learnt their trade. Ward Radio where I volunteered was responsible for more than one well known DJ including Graham Gold, Steve Hyland, Sutish Sharma, Andy Milburn, Darren Spence, Steve Reed… oh the list goes on. But back then hospital radio laid the groundwork for mainstream and personalities were nurtured. Our station never had much money but we made sure our presenters were fully trained, had access to the most up to date equipment (as then) and were ready to send their aircheck tapes off to “proper radio” if they so wanted. Then along came reality TV and these nobodies with no talent started to replace our personalities. Kate Lawler rocks up as a DJ on Capital Radio and sits there whilst other people around her do the work. Mark Wright does the same. Now we hear Georgia Moffatt is lined up to do some radio show up north. All the hard work done by hospital radio to train the DJ’s of today tossed aside like an old chip wrapper for some bit of totty seen on TV that’s got some Radio Executive’s loins a twitching. What the actual eff! These talentless scripted reality himbos and bimbos get thrust into the limelight because they’re perceived to be “totty”. As far as I knew totty sold magazines not music (unless it was just in music videos) so radio executives have their priorities wrong. It’s them that have changed my once loved career into a laughing stock. No talent needed now, just “tits and teeth”. Sad and shameful.

Where Have All The Personalities Gone - Radio

Christmas Party Playlist 2015

I don’t know if I’m the only one that’s noticed but this year we seem to have quite a few funky tracks gracing the airwaves unlike the usual drivel of slow, moody stuff, or music from TV talent shows (famous last words, you watch). So to celebrate this I’ve put together a little playlist of my own (feel free to ignore it though, I’m no Simon Cowell after all). Give me your verdict if you too think December is is bouncing with top tracks?

This one is my absolute favourite at the moment, originally released in October this year, but didn’t seem to be on anyone’s radar until now.  Le Grind – Pillow Talk (check out the video – who needs big budgets these days when you’ve got a cracking tune).

Take That – Hey Boy. Gets me waving my arms in the air.

Take That – I Like It. Now this one I’ve sent over to Mastermix asking them to mix it with 2 other tracks which mix perfectly! They need to mix it with Rachel Stevens – Some Girls and Goldfrapp – Strict Machine (you could even add a little 2 Hearts from Kish Mauve’s original, or Kylie’s one at a push if you speed it up a bit).

Wouldn’t be Christmas without a little bit of Kylie so this one with little sis Dannii seems to do well. Well it’s played pretty much on every station I tune into.

I’m no fan of Asda but the marketing team found a corker with Fleur East I guess. I was shaking my bits in a fury after hearing this for the first time so I guess it’s got to be on the playlist.

It’s only taken them 12 years, obviously no hurry for decent music in that time. Darkness – I Am Santa. Not as good as Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells) but nice to see the return of jingling bells at least.

Last one, I’m throwing a bit of a curve ball out there. I love it, but the video is a bit creepy and to be desired. Ah well, you make your own mind up.

Over to you lot now. What tunes will you be loading up this Christmas. This lot will probably be on Andy’s DJ list no doubt (well I’ll damn well sneaky in there if I have to myself just to get my “groove on” at any parties he has to do).

Jacqui

Christmas Party Playlist 2015

Addressing the Balance - Neil Fox Trial

I don’t normally court controversy and tend to keep away from anything which the mainstream press report due to their utter immoralistic reporting and disinformation pumped across various channels but this last week after reading a few reports about someone who I have worked with in the past has been quite disturbing.

Neil Fox has been accused of sexually assaulting “victims” including one at his former workplace Capital Radio.  Now, reading this story they claim that when Neil was a DJ at Capital Radio he kissed a girl and forced his tongue in her mouth, as well as other reports of having sex with girls in the station’s record library (amongst other allegations).  One of the stories claims that it was one of the girls that used to hang around the radio station around 1988-1991.  Now, thing is this. I was one of these girls that hung around the studios at this time.  I’m utterly ashamed of it these days and would strongly urge that if you feel the need to hang around places – DON’T do it if you are under 18 years old.  Now my reason for saying this isn’t the fact that the person you are hanging around to see is predatory. In fact in all the years I religiously went up to Warren Street to sit outside and wait for DJ’s to emerge I never ONCE saw any of the DJ’s become predatory.  However, a LOT of the girls that did hang around at that time were very, very forthcoming and didn’t think twice of grabbing DJ’s in some very inappropriate areas.  There were never just 1 or 2 girls, there were upwards of 10-20 girls at any one time bombarding DJ’s when they exited the building.

There is also a claim that one of the girls (probably the main one in this case or the one who made the initial claim) that she was left alone with Neil Fox in the underground car park after asking her to take some things to his car.  NO.  This would not be correct, simply because the girls were like a herd of sheep.  If one girl went to his car then all her friends would have followed too.  Not once were any of the girls singled out in the time I was part of the crowd as inevitably they ALWAYS moved around like sheep together.

Neil Fox: Image from http://www.geocities.ws/radiointheuk/hit40uk_gallery.html

As for her knowing where he lived and went to his flat.  Yes, lots of girls knew where the DJ’s lived because quite a few of them had either followed them in cars to where they lived, or found out illegally with the help of insiders.  It was common knowledge of where they lived and more often than not these girls would visit en masse to visit the DJs.  Thankfully I was not like that and refused to follow them to where they lived. I think the furthest I got was on the train a DJ had boarded but got off halfway. More often than not because where we got off, there was a chippy outside that did bloody awesome chips (I had my priorities straight, obviously). But it was disgusting behaviour.

A lot of these girls were indeed under the age of 18 and would literally lust after these guys who were either in their 20s or early 30s. Neil Fox was one whom girls got utterly obsessed by because he was really friendly and really quite bubbly.

In 1991 however I got the opportunity to work at Capital Radio in a voluntary capacity. I was kind of an assistant that would do pretty much anything to learn the job.  When these girls found out that I was working there I would often get death threats, and followed on the tube home with girls stalking me with daggers in their eyes.  I stayed there for about 18 months and moved on but in all that time when I did work with Neil Fox, I can honestly say, hand on heart that all we ever had was what is now named (thanks I’m a Celeb) as “flanter” just purely flirty banter. Yes he would touch you but never inappropriately. It was more in a friendly flirty way. The guy even asked me out on a date while one of my friends was with me when I bumped into him on my way home at Warren Street but again, there was no touching and certainly no groping. At the time it was just a young guy flirting with a young girl, end of.  All this propaganda of what he’s supposed to have done, if true (very unlikely) would have been encouraged by the girls themselves.  They were certainly not innocent of provoking these young guys (as they were then) and the thought of them coming out now to claim they were abused sickens me to my core.

Also as for him signing “Kissy Kissy” when asked for an autograph. Oh come on! All DJs sign something flirty if they’re a flirty kind of person. I once had a conversation with another DJ about something and his words were “Promises Promises” but I’m not going to run to a solicitor complaining that he was being forward. It’s utterly pathetic.  Neil Fox once signed a skirt for me for a charity raffle. He signed on my knee. Wow. If I had fancied him I imagine I too would have asked him to sign my bum but I wouldn’t be reporting him 20 years later for doing it. You did it at the time and no doubt all your friends around you would have cheered him on and laughed with you about it. But you can’t go complaining about that 20 years down the line. If it upset you that much at the time why didn’t you complain about it then? I know, it’s because at that time you were bigging it up with all your “posse” no doubt.

The media are as usual making Neil Fox out to be the predator. Those of us that were around the place at that time have seen quite a different thing and no doubt, the guy will be dragged through the court and lose his career through claims from someone who would have encouraged him to get closer to her. She still has her career (if it’s who I think it is).

I know no girl/woman deserves being attacked, but what was back in the 80s/90s and was just flirty (and encouraged by the girl 100%) now seems to be tainted with accusations of assault.  The guy was no Sa Vile that’s for sure. But in my time I’ve heard all sorts. One girl told me that Neil Fox had made her pregnant – which he hadn’t, she was just a totally over the top, completely obsessed fanatic, living in a fantasy world. The girl was my best friend (and wasn’t pregnant, nor saw him on any kind of intimate moment because her mum wouldn’t let her out on her own). How’s them apples.  Same is happening again here, but 20 years later, accusations with really no substance .  Shame.  I’ve seen it from both sides and it’s not all black and white.  Don’t believe everything you read.

Addressing the Balance - Neil Fox Trial

Lose Weight for Christmas with Exante Diet

I’m no fan of meal replacement, you all know that, but they’re always the exception when some of the meal replacements taste awesome which is what I’ve found with Exante. Kelly originally reviewed Exante and found it a little lacklustre, however since then it seems that they’ve changed some of their things around.

My mum used to be a huge meal replacement fan and spent the majority of my teenage years swapping her meals for milkshakes, but the flavours were nearly always limited to just the three, Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry with the odd occasion where the company would add a special like Banana to mix it up a bit. I remember thinking that they’d pushed the boundaries at one time offering Cafe Latte in a tin which I would often nick out the fridge to drink as a regular drink (may have contributed to the size I am now in fact) but that’s as modern as they got back then. These days with Exante, they’ve pushed the boat to a whole new Quay – Lemon Cheesecake, Hot Chocolate and Ginger and Irish Cream flavours just to name a few, grace the shop and delight the palette. Take the powder, empty it into the shaker with water and give your muscles a workout in the meantime. Job done. I don’t like my shakes too thick so I always add extra water which in some cases can be a disaster as the flavour doesn’t carry well in some but these shakes cope well. Flavour was still pretty strong even when I thinned it out a little.

As well as the shakes they do a nice little range of snacks. I have to have something sweet on my diet or I’ll fail (as I so monumentally have demonstrated) so sweets, puddings and snacks are my go to just to survive. Choco Balls are allowed (although you can get them from the likes of MuscleFood too called Chocolate Protein Balls) are the dieters equivalent to Maltesers and they’re ok I suppose, although no substitute for the original. Bit less light and a bit crunchier than regular sweets, with much more protein. Protein rich diets are far superior to regular “diet” systems anyway as they promote feeling full as opposed to feeling light of pocket and still as chunky as a Yorkie bar so mixing in some protein elements are good in my book.

I usually eat Porridge for breakfast with added Flaxseed so I didn’t really want to deviate from it as it’s the one thing that keeps me totally full until lunchtime but they tempted me with a packet of Maple Syrup Pancakes dammit. You have to make sure that you spray enough oil into the pan though because if you have the pan too high they burn immediately. We made the mistake with one of the pancakes and manage to salvage the other one thankfully which tasted really nice and would make a nice alternative but as I only had one packet, I couldn’t find out if it kept me as full. Still, tasted nice with the addition of the calorie free sauce (which I have a cupboard full anyway being diabetic as it normally gets poured over soya ice cream, porridge, yogurts and anything else that needs a bit of a lift) again, I purchased mine elsewhere, but it’s a must if you want to lose weight, or just don’t want to add sugar to everything.

Puddings though are the best part of the meal and they’ve handled that quite nicely too – I’m not keen on the Tiramisu pudding though as it’s just like a gloopy cross between a milkshake and a mousse, and unfortunately although it smells divine it’s flavourless. However, the chocolate pudding is another matter. More like a salted chocolate cake, it’s a microwaveable miracle. Gooey in the centre, and not unlike the Japanese mug cakes that I made in abundance during my diet (albeit 50 calories less but still) it’s a dieter’s dream! I had a couple of packets put in the box for me and I’ve purposely kept one back to savour when I’m utterly desperate for something naughty so they must be doing something right. The same goes for their bars – especially the amazing Strawberry Jam and Yogurt Bar (I could eat this quite happily several times a day but for (if I remember correctly) 200 calories per bar it’s not for snacking as such but still very, very good for naughty moments.

The only things I have issues with on this diet. I hate the fact that they promote VLCD’s (Very Low Calorie Diet’s). This isn’t healthy in the slightest. Your body goes into starvation mode with calories this low and you’ll end up losing weight very quickly (which incidentally isn’t fat, it’s generally water) and becoming sick. Body organs don’t thrive being put through diets with calories as low as 600-700 per day. Look what happens when overweight people have gastric bypasses and bands. They are left with saggy skin and if they’re unlucky the body turns on itself, caving in to other more fatal diseases. This is no good!!! Diets below 1600 calories are pointless and in my opinion damage not only your confidence as you can’t maintain a decent weight loss any lower as there’s nowhere to go to negotiate a loss, and will cause more damage to your body than you think. Short term, ok, but long term NO NO NO.

The other thing that I have an issue with is the price. Why do companies feel the need to charge so much for diets? ExanteDiet have at least given some fairly decent deals with their programme, offering a BOGOF on their milkshakes and 60 products for £60 which is a lot more financially friendly than others I’ve tried though.

Sadly I didn’t get to try the main meals as I don’t do reconstituted packet food. I think a meal cooked from scratch with fresh ingredients is the best thing you can have on a diet. But if you have no choice and you just have to buy the whole programme, then I doubt you’ll be disappointed if they take as much pride with the main meals as they do with the milkshakes and snacks.

Right now you can get it on offer if you pop over to the site, and if you need to shift a bit before Christmas and don’t have time, then it’s a decent enough option for you to take.

Lose Weight for Christmas with Exante Diet

PMDD, Depression, Menopause or what?

Those who have been with us a while may know that I endure depression and anxiety now and then. Thankfully it’s not like it was back in 1997-2001 when it was each and every day, but now it’s more when I get myself stressed to the point I have panic attacks, have a sudden shock, forget to take my medication regularly or drink too much caffeine.

I get symptoms that tend to start with my knee aching.  That then leads on to having hot flushes as soon as we turn the light off at night to sleep, and then insomnia.

I’m now 43 years old, haven’t managed to have a baby as yet (we lost one back in 1997) and have tried ever since then with no luck and now I feel as if it’s too late.  I emailed our local adoption service at the council and received an email back, worded as if I were a criminal that “you’ve had dealings with Social Services and we need to know what this was in connection with before we even talk to you” or words to that effect.  That immediately took me by surprise because I personally have never had dealings with Social Services, however my mum has because of her dementia. So I emailed back explaining that I was my mothers carer etc and the other details and received an email back basically saying that if I have any illnesses and wasn’t “energetic” that my chances of adopting were nil.  Doesn’t matter that both myself and Andy have enough love to care, they were more concerned by the fact that if I couldn’t care for my mother how would I expect to care for a child with possible behavioural issues.  Erm… my mother is 5ft 6 and at the time took to swinging a 10lb concrete dog at me whenever she had the chance, not to mention calling the police if she didn’t get her way, and if I could cope with that for 3 years, I’m damn sure I could cope with a child who might actually have had, or have the same behavioural problems that I myself may have dealt with in the past.  I had behavioural issues all the way through my childhood which were probably caused through the head injury I sustained in nursery, but don’t mind me, move along.

But anyway I’m drifting. The whole episode of that made me feel horrible about myself to say the least. Plus the fact I’m already worrying about my sister (she is having issues with her heart at the moment) so that’s adding to my anxiety. It just feels like it’s never ending.

Worrying and being anxious always seems to make me either eat more sweet food or drink more coffee – neither of those are good for me at all.  Then the depression starts to creep in.  This usually occurs 2 weeks before my period too – this is where I’m beginning to think it’s more hormonal that makes me deal with things in a different way?

My periods have never been that regular, but the last few years they’ve been more regular than when I were younger when they were so incredibly erratic I ended up in A&E thinking I may be bleeding to death one month when about six months worth came at once.  So I definitely have hormonal issues.

OK, with me so far?  So I’ve been pondering. Is it PMDD (Premenstrual Dysmorphic Disorder) whose symptoms seem pretty much spot on, especially with the devastating depression just before the period which in all honesty stops me in my tracks where I’m scared to move for fear of crying, dying, passing out or whatever it is at the time.  Is it depression that I’ve been struggling with since 1997? Although I think this is more a severe depression which occurs once a month, and realistically I’ve coped with depression pretty much every day since 1997 although it has it’s moments.  Is it menopause? I’m 43 now, I get night sweats, my nipples discharge a clear liquid on or around my period and I do have occasional dryness down there sometimes. Or what? I’ve been “reading on the internet” again this morning and it seems PMDD could be the cause, however it doesn’t happen each and every month, it has for the last couple of months but before that it was now and then.  That could though be caused through losing weight when I felt amazing and nothing bothered me? All these thoughts go through my head, and so my brain never stops.  It’s never ending.  Until perhaps my period starts then I feel my whole body and mind just settle down. It’s literally like someone waves a magic wand over me, it really is!

While I’m writing this (in front of my light box for my SAD), grinding my teeth (I always seems to do that when I’m going through this bitch of a thing), I’m thinking about London Cheesecakes that Aldi/Lidl sell, and wondering when Andy will be back home (he’s taken Pea to the Puppy Parlour) AND also thinking about how I’ll feel tomorrow/tonight, trying to stop the bloody nerve twitching I get too when I deal with this.  See it’s a mind full of mush and it’s happening to me a little too often now that I’m in two minds whether or not to ask for some kind of hormone replacement (which I don’t think they’ll give me as I’m morbidly obese still).

Bottom end of the line is: I HATE DEPRESSION. I hate the way it makes me feel, I hate the way it stops me in my tracks when I’m enjoying my life, it just drops itself from a great height to poop all over me and I’m fed up with it. It has no place in my life anymore and it’s about time I dealt with it.  Diet day 3 now – I’m not giving up now as I want to beat it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that.  We’ll see.

PMDD, Depression, Menopause or what?

Nosh Detox - Jacqui"s View

I struggle with my weight and have lost 8 stone eating healthily and exercising but put the majority back on. I then took a break from it and stuffed my face, however this last month my depression has gotten to the point where I can’t physically cope with it so it was time to put a stop to overeating.

Along came Nosh Detox, and kindly offered myself and Kelly a week’s worth of their revolutionary Pegan Diet.

This particular programme Pegan diet is based on Nosh principles which we find works very well with digestive issues and weight loss across the board.  It is a cross between Vegan and Paleo which is substantially healthy and all meals have good balance of plant based protein not relying on animal protein only ( as this more sustainable way to eat for the body and the planet).

Great idea. So we both filled in their client form where you state your likes, dislikes, allergies, illnesses and they then do the rest of the work designing a plan for you to eat.

My first delivery was scheduled the day after Kelly’s as she’s within the M25 and I’m not, so I was quite excited when Kelly sent me over photos of what she received. I loved the sound of some of it and although some of it looked a bit like rabbit food (they send you snacks too and some are simply amazing) it didn’t look too bad at all. Some of what Kelly received was pretty much what I ate on my diet originally to lose the weight. Delivery to Kelly was quite late at night but at least she received it, fully chilled and packed beautifully.

I received my package the next afternoon. Kelly had already started on her first day and said that it wasn’t too bad. When I opened my box, again chilled and beautifully packaged, I had a different mixture to Kelly. When they say eat the rainbow this was just what they meant – Breakfast the next day for me was going to be a chick pea one with a sauce so green, you needed sunglasses to eat it. It tasted divine. I adored it.

Lunch was a different matter on Day One as it was a salad with raw beetroot. Now as much as I adore Beetroot, I am not a fan of eating it raw at all, it’s horrible. But I ate what I could and then moved on a few hours later to the afternoon snack (which again was gorgeous). Dinner was again very green but was a Chicken Casserole. This was scrummy so by the end of the day I was in love with Nosh Detox.

Day Two and Three were pretty much similar (one morning I had grated sweet potato, raw cashews in a hazelnut milk and it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever eaten) but Day Four and Five just let me down. Watery tomato soup, a quinoa salad with a very, very oily dressing that literally made me gag (sorry ND) but the dressing turned me off what looked like a brilliant salad full of colour. I prefer vinaigrette based dressings and rarely use oil in any dressings at all so this was a big shock to the system. I’m afraid to say once I used the dressing on the dish, I took one mouthful and had to throw it away.

I think the fault of these things lies within their client form. It would be nice if you were shown a sample menu and ask you to choose which types of food you like out of those menus, then compile the diet around that. I can’t fault the diet as such as it’s very nutritious and sustainable but for me the price pretty left a sour taste in my mouth. £317 for a week’s worth is a little excessive, especially as you are told it is tailored to you when both Kelly and I received near enough the very same menus just in a different order. I did enquire about why the price was so high and I was told by the always helpful Sarah, that

Price for the programme covers the cost of chefs tailoring your day meal plan specific to each client i.e any dislike / allergies, delivering to your address and having personal support throughout the programme. it is quite the logistical operation to get all varies details together and delivered to your door.

As much as I understand that you are paying for an individual program, I don’t know if it failed on our part for not giving enough information or their part for not asking enough questions. I think it’s a fine line between the two. Still, in my opinion £317 is still far too much to pay for just a week’s worth of food considering when I was on my diet last year eating very similar, our monthly bill would be around £250.

Did I feel better on it and lose weight?

Well, do you know, I felt ok. It was nice to try some other ideas and combinations and realise that you can create sweet dishes without the need for sugar and sometimes just vegetables alone are amazing, but by the end of it I feel quite sick. I actually couldn’t stomach finishing some of the dishes as it was just too liquified, and eventually every memory I had of each meal rolled into one. I wasn’t that keen either or eating it cold or just warmed through so I never actually felt like I was eating anything hearty. So very sad as I had high hopes for it. Portion size is fabulous simply because it’s near enough all vegetables and they’re low in calories, I hardly felt hungry at all. Did I lose weight. I did, I lost a few pounds but that might be because I just didn’t pick as I usually do and what I did snack on was a lot healthier than a couple of biscuits.

What it’s proved to me is that balanced diets work, but before you agree to try one that you order online, ask to see at least some of the things that you will be eating as on the site there are no menus with images of the actual food and I think that lets it down big time.

Would I do it again? No, although it’s a fabulous idea only eating food that is sustainable, it’s not a diet that I could live on day to day.

Jacqui

Nosh Detox - Jacqui"s View